I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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