My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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