I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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