I am puke
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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