worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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