dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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