A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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