fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
