I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
