why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
