she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
