I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
