Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
