her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
