giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The air was thick with penises
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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