I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
