I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
