I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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