The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Actions speak louder than pants.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
