i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
