I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
