Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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