I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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