I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
