ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
