There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
