Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
