a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
