that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
