Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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