I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
