'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
