the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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