Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
