You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
