This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
