foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize