I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
