She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I currently don't understand fingers.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
