I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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