Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
