Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
