five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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