Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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