she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
