her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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