Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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