This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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