I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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