the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
