so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
