Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
