I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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