Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
