So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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