I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
