pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize