so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
