my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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