Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
