it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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