Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
