This dress was meant to end up on your floor
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
