I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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