Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
