I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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