someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
