I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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