your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
