wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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