Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm always down for nudity.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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