Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
