guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
