No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
