I have demons in me.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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