if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I need water and some morals
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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