dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
