What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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