toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
