you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
