I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
