Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
