Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize