well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
