So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
