Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
