this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize