Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
