I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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