Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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