cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
