Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
