You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
