i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
