I am in a vortex of obligation.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
