Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
