you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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