Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize