I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
