Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
