1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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