My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
