Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
